I think spaceships landed on earth in ancient times
At the feet of drunken prophets and futuristic girls
With tattoos, piercing and glasses
Got out to explore the gardens of the hot new earth—
And invented pussy and poetry and whatever else
Was needed for man to survive the cold waters of the flood—
Ezekiel told me so when he made dry bones get up and dance,
I turned to Megan and she looked at me like I was crazy,
But I wasn’t crazy; she was the one that was crazy—
She had a cute face butt couldn’t be trusted just like her Irish ancestors,
Just like Tristam should never have trusted Isoulde—
She went crazy when I told her I didn’t want to fuck her mom
It’s a long story that reaches back to ancient times,
Her mind controlled by Satan or Romanian thugs—
Baudelaire got there too late,
The Marquis de Sade was already having tea with Sarkozy,
Rimbaud didn’t lie when he said he’d slept with a Jew,
You’re my girlfriend and I’m going to fuck you too—
Though you look like Bette Davis old,
Something beyond my power has gotten hold of me
As I can wait patiently for a miracle and then for the miracle to repeat
While I pray all night at your bound feet while beating on your drums
I live in a world filled with superstition and Blake Lively look-a-likes
I love when you tell me how dirty you are,
How you scream when I fuck you—
I love how you never wash and stink up the room
Like an Indian girl or a gay man’s balls—
I can’t think of anything more perfect than some chick lying naked in the street,
A fake blonde with chewed meat stuck in her teeth—
She’s a nice girl everyone says,
She likes bondage and guns and guys with tattoos—
She’s as abstract as algebra and original sin,
Her accent is fake and she drinks a hell of a lot of gin—
But I wouldn’t judge her solely on that,
She gets falling down drunk and doesn’t know where she is,
She poses for pinups and paintings and pornographic photographs,
She’s got mannequin tits and a dangerous ass
That could drive a Muslim mad—
I don’t know what it’d do to a Russian,
You’d look good in a strait jacket but you’re no Bettie Page,
But everybody knows what a hot fuck ugly girls are and you’re no exception—
She’s a baby-faced intellectual drunk; her sister’s no better,
But she’s more avant-garde than you are—
She came to earth in a spaceship a long, long time ago,
An angel from heaven bringing new-fangled dildos—
She stole my heart and mind so I married her—